The Audition

There's much to say when somebody holds an audition and isn't clear as to the details of the audition itself.

I am not pissed that I did not get the part, but perhaps I am pissed as to WHY I did not get the part.

But before I delve into that...

I did not find it pleasant, nor amusing, that the "organizer" made us wait only under the trees and a few tarpaulin tents that were barely enough to protect everyone from the elements on a hot and humid day while waiting for their turn to be auditioned. From 9am to 5pm, most of us waited, under the heat.

This is one of the main reasons why I never visit my grandparents' grave on All Saints' and All Souls' Day anymore: sitting under the cover of a tarpaulin tent all afternoon under the elements. I enjoyed the sun when I was younger. But all the pollutants that mankind has stuffed into this forsaken planet has somehow screwed up the weather -- I do not remember the sun being as painful to my skin as it is nowadays. Nor do I remember spitting out gray-colored phlegm the morning after I've been out in the city, either -- there is also much to say about this country's fucking government still allowing the open use of diesel fuel, but that's for some other future blog post.

And while the auditions were held inside a university's campus, there wasn't any place nearby to get something to eat or drink. At least somewhere near enough that whenever the numbers are being called, it would be audible -- there wasn't any P.A. system set up outside, just some girly man shouting out the numbers. Adding to this, is the fact that one has only 15 minutes to respond when his/her number is up. Miss it and kiss your audition goodbye.

And so there was I, dry throat and drenched in sweat, stomach growling for some food. I did not foresee it coming. I had the impression, owing to the poster, that this was to be a simple audition: either one gets the part or not. That was my mistake. I did not buy any food or drink before I went to the venue.

My first taste of water since my 8am breakfast before going to the auditions came in at around 4pm, when a vendor dropped by to sell some orange-flavored soda and mineral water. COLD WATER. Bad for anyone's singing voice, but much-needed by my system. I tried swirling it around my mouth for a few moments just to warm it up a bit and not affect my voice, but 7 hours worth of thirst took over and so I gulped the remaining contents down.

As my number was about to be called, somebody set up a hotdog stand. Amazingly idiotic. It has been 8 hours since auditions began and it was just during the final hour that somebody realized to set up some sort of food stand. Must've gone through some thick bureaucracy shit inside the university before being given a permit to set up a food stand inside the premises. And with the oil used to cook them 'dogs, there was barely enough time to remove all that grease from my throat and be able to sing as well. So, against my growling stomach I refused to ingest any food for the meantime. "Meantime"? Shit. I've gone without food for 8 hours already.

So what pissed me off big-time?

I was only informed of this audition, a week before it was to be held. While the poster was accurate as to the details of the venue, time and date of the auditions, there were other essentials that were not expressly mentioned in that poster. There were contact details on the poster, and inquired I did.

My SMS (translated and expanded form, for those who are not familiar with 'abbreviated' SMS language used by Filipinos): "Good evening. Will the auditions push through this Friday?"

Reply: "Yes, it will."

SMS: "How many songs?"

Reply: "2-3 songs, but not whole."

SMS: "Okay. Should it necessarily be (the band's) songs, or would it also be okay to sing other songs? Sorry for asking so many questions."

Reply: "(The band's) songs are not a requirement."

Cool. Not a requirement. I could quickly get the band's songs' lyrics in my head, but it's those nuances in singing the songs that take time, and less than a week is barely enough time for me. So I went to the auditions armed with every song I know, except the band's songs. After all, it wasn't a requirement. 'Bring your own voice', as I recall what was printed on their poster.

I arrive at the venue, to be greeted by a giant tarpaulin of the band and what seems to be a tv schedule for a show. What the hell?! This wasn't a simple audition after all. Was this going to be some kind of reality show type thing? I hate almost every friggin' "reality" show that has been aired on television.

I was handed some sort of pre-audition contract, stating that while this "contest" is ongoing, I am not entitled to any residual stemming from any public or television appearance/event, if ever I'm chosen as one of the finalists. Great. Not only have I figured myself in some sort of contest, I also have to shell out for my own transportation expenses to wherever they want us to show up.

And it wasn't to be just a simple audition. Some genius/es decided to split it into two auditions, as if it was necessary, by having an "initial screening committee" before auditioning in front of the people who are really in the music industry, i.e., musicians. So this was why it was taking us ages to wait for our turn.

I wanted to back out, but since I've already traveled all the way to the audition, I might as well go give it a try.

And so, after 8 fucking hours of waiting under the elements with only a small bottle of water to refresh my throat on the eighth hour it was, finally, my turn.

Having the bad luck of somebody who has been struck by lightning more than twice, they decided to move the initial screening upstairs just as it was supposed to be my turn. So move upstairs we all went, including the equipment. Well, not all the equipment. They were either too lazy to set it all up again upstairs, or too lazy and/or too stupid to figure out how to reconnect a simple P.A. setup (which was obvious, since they could figure out where to put the cable jack in) so they decided that we, the remaining auditionees for the day, sing our songs acapella without the help of any amplification.

After singing my first piece, they asked me to sing one of the band's songs. Just what I needed. Thank you so much to whoever that fucking idiot is, who replied to my SMS inquiry and told me that the band's songs were not a requirement.

And so after all was sung and done, I was told by this 'initial screening committee' that I was not prepared for the audition, and that my image does not fit with the band.

Not prepared for the audition? I've got about a hundred songs inside my head, motherfuckers! I've been learning songs longer than most of you rocker poseurs have ever been in the 'music industry' or thought about getting into it. Too bad for me, that I do not know any of the band's songs because I've never EVER really listened to most of the crap they put out. Too bad for me, that I never really listen to most of the offal played on the radio, nor do I watch stupid MTV nowadays.

Too bad for me, that I never dress up like most of the emo-wannabe youth nowadays. They got one thing right though: my image does not really fit with most of the local bands nowadays who put image first before any real, original talent. Bands and/or "artists" who need to sound or look like some foreign group, just to get the attention of today's shallow superficial youth.

Maybe they should've stated that it was a "sound-alike, look-alike" contest, instead of just an audition. Then I could've saved time and effort, and did something more productive and intellectual that day.