"At ease, boys and girls. As per blog author's orders, today I will give a review of... well, I will review a bit of myself, and pretty much this "Night Ranger Quad" ATV for all those who give a damn about Sigma 6 and the many versions of yours truly that Hasbro has released during the recent years of this toy line."
"First of all, you have to pardon the rather grainy quality of the images, since the photographer (and author of this blog review) is still ill-equipped with the necessary equipment to take decent, professional-quality photos... Other than a crummy 2-megapixel Sony Ericsson k610i cellphone. Lemme just place this helmet on the rack and, if all is fine with you readers, then let us proceed."
"Aside from my cool-looking blue helmet, I am also issued with this nifty-looking NV - or to those unfamiliar with military tech jargon, "night vision" - goggles. Granted that it's not as cool as Snake Eyes' Night Ops headgear, but it still does the job."
"And, with a gentle push of the handlebars, up comes this night vision camera sensor HUD - that's "heads up display" for you military tech jargon noobs - at the front of the ATV..."
"...And by pressing on the gas tank cap..."
*ka-chakk!* "...The ATV's hood armor opens up to reveal more of the rocket launchers underneath it."
"Looking closer underneath the front hood, you can see a simulated suspension system for the front wheels. Hey, notice that the Quad has real rubber tires! But uh, if you ask me, I would've preferred that Hasbro made real spring suspension and steering system rather than that spring-action NV HUD camera and rocket launcher pop-up armor gimmick."
"But it still simulates "real" suspension and steering... Somehow. As you can see as I demonstrate how the front wheels adapt as I lean myself, along with the bike, to my right..."
"...And now to my left. Cool! Ain't it?! Whoopee..."
"OOPSIES!!!"
*THUD!* "Ehnn..."
*BOF!* "Ooooooh... My... ...Family jewels..."
"...There goes... ...my hopes for... ...Conrad Hauser Junior."
"Moving on to the front of the Quad, we have a grappling hook attachmed to a faux-winch system..."
"...And some bright green spring-launched rockets, reminiscent of G.I. Joe's neon-colored weapons during the '90's, which contributed to the blog author's decision to quit collecting 3.75-inch G.I. Joe figures."
"Now if you could help me prop the Quad up a bit... Okay, now... At least, we can see that there is REAL suspension for the Quad's rear wheels. Though the suspension travel ain't all that far, it's still a cool addition to this vehicle."
"Now on the equipment rack, the Quad comes equipped with a pickaxe, a shovel, and some extra rockets. As one can clearly see, this Quad is well-equipped for a mission. Except for an extra tire and a tire pump in case of a flat. And some extra fuel."
"There is also a knife and my trusty ol' Switchfire pistol. Kii-yahhh! Yo soy mucho macho! Ayiyiyiyiyi!!!"
"Uhmmm... Dunno where I'll put these, though. I wasn't equipped with a holster and a scabbard."
"Aha. I can see that the knife can be placed onto the slot on my thighs. Kinda dangerous for me, though -- carrying an unprotected knife on my leg like this."
"Well, I guess that concludes this review. As you can see, this Quad fits well for its intended night ops theme, especially the color scheme (hey, I made a rhyme). This is still a cool vehicle for the Sigma 6 line, though it could've been a bit better."
"Oh, hi there, Timber. What have you and the Silent One have been up to lately?"
"Hey, waitaminnit... You're not thinking what I'm..."
"Oh, no you DON'T. You're not gonna pee on those new tires, you mangy mutt!"
"Now scram! Vamoose!! Before I chop you into itty bitty pieces like your namesake!!!"
"And don't ya ever think of sprayin' your fluids onto this Quad, ya hear?!"
"Dogs and their masters..." *Tappity tap* "???"
"Er..."
"Oh, hi there, Snakes! I see you're heavily equipped right now. So... Uhm... How did the mission go?"
"This axe? Uh... I was uh... Just demonstrating the uhhh... By the way: nice shiny swords you have there!"
*chomp* "?!! Uhhhmmm..."
"Okay, hafta go now. See you in the bridge in 10 minutes SHARP... For a mission debrief. Noooneeenooonneeenooo..."
